Sporting Losses Have Positive Side Effect

Ausfailure AKA Soft Cock Cafe

Ausfailure AKA Soft Cock Cafe

A decade of a sporting humiliation in Ausfailure men’s sport has had a positive side effect according to latest data from the former penile colony.

Sales of men’s jizz mags has dropped dramatically over the last few years according to media reports.

The latest circulation audit, released this weekend, shows lads’ magazines are hemorrhaging. The once-dominant FHM slumped by 20 per cent to a record low of 40,000 – barely a third of its 2005 sales. Zoo Weekly also suffered its worst result, dropping 18 per cent to 83,000. And the market is littered with corpses: in the past year, Alpha, Sport & Style and Ralph all folded.

“Being absolutely crap at sport means I don’t jack off half as much as i used to” said Dean Slapper of Tuggme NSW

“These days I’m down to one in the morning, and a couple after work at the boozer with the boys before going home to the wife and kids”

“Then I watch the news and get the latest sports failure results and after that I cry a bit and go to bed and get some sleep” he said.

Luckily for the girls their sports teams are going great guns so they are fair giving it a fair old lunge.

“We girls just wanna have fun” said Mrs Slapper “Sisters are doing it  for themselves” she continued.

Ausfailure prime minister Jules Gillard said the fact that Aussies blokes weren’t as a bigger wankers as they used to be in days gone by was good news for the country.

“Being the world champion wankers is one trophy we can afford to lose and be happy about” said the ginger haired dream boat.

However experts warned that with Aussie blokes not being fulltime tuggers the loser effect could spiral out of control.

“We got to the top of the world by being the wanker capital of the world and unless something is done to keep our wank rate up the flow on effect could result in less population and therefore would would have to rely on more and more immigrants to swell our sports teams”.

Ausfailure is currently defending it’s treatment of non sports playing immigrants to the United Nations Committee on Atrocities.

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