Mission Accomplished

It's Official - Ausfailure Lose 2010 World Cup

The long suffering misery guts fans of Ausfailure are rueing the crap performances of their sockerlose team as it wings it’s way back from a successful mission to lose back to back soccer world cups for a second successive time in a row. In 2006 the team was hampered by inexperience and it’s thugs let them down ensuring failure was always possible.

This time the thugs were to the fore as is usual but the whinging reached new heights taking them to the top of the world in the cry baby stakes.

Australasian teams did exactly what they are expected to do at Football World Cups and lost.

While the A team All Whites from the eastern islands nearly upset the apple cart by playing with courage and pride they did not embarrass their cuzzies from the west too much as they prove what losers from Australasia are capable of by being the only unbeaten team in the tournament to get the boot early and that not only are there no second prizes as the Sockerlose clarified but coming first equal 3 times in a row doesn’t cut the mustard either.

All in all it was a great spectacle and proved that Australasia might be good at having prime ministers who wear bras but really does need to try that little bit harder to keep their t!ts restrained.

www.ausfailure.com was given the World Cup for honest and unbiased reporting during the Pool stage after some well placed bribes found their mark.

Two Time Aussie Losers Heading Home

Sockerlose Homecoming

Back to back Fifa World Cup losers the Sockerlose are in transit to the Airport and heading home after securing defeat on the biggest sports stage in the world just minutes ago.

Ausfailure secured defeat in the opening round of the tournament when they crashed 4 nil against a rookie German side.

While losing is not usually celebrated in Ausfailure sports fans have become well used to the bad news. Last night the Ausfailure cricket team got thoroughly dicked by England, and on the weekend the Aussie rugger boys took it up the clacker from England, again.

Ausfailure captain Ken Twinafuggenthingthesedaysmate was philosophical about once more failing at sport.

“OK, so we crapped out really badly, but at least we’ll be home before New Zealand” said Ken.

It is the first time Ausfailure will have beaten New Zealand at anything in over 54 years.

Meanwhile the incredible losing streak has taken it’s toll on the country with call’s for the prime minister to resign and hands the country over to someone who will legislate certain Aussie victories in sport, or at least free up public money to bribe officials with.

NZ Rugby Team Pips Ausfailure By 45 Points

Ausfailure came as close to beating New Zealand at anything as they have for nearly 25 years when they lost the Junior World Rugby Championship yet again.

NZ 1 - Ausfailure Nil, Again

New Zealand has retained the world junior rugby championship, thumping Australia 62-17 in this morning’s final in Rosario, Argentina.

The Kiwis led 25-3 at halftime and victory completed a third title in as many years for the “Baby Blacks”, posting their 15th straight win over the tournament which began three years ago as a combination of the under-19 and under-21 events.

The victory is the most emphatic of all three New Zealand final successes under coach Dave Rennie, bettering the 38-3 win over England in 2008 and then 44-28 over the same opponents in Japan last year.

Fittlingly the final try brought up New Zealand’s 100th try in that time.

From the moment hooker Liam Coltman scored after just 33 seconds, New Zealand was always in control.

The New Zealand team upset the losers when they refused to swap jersey’s at the end of the match.

“Most of us Aussie kids would love an All Black jersey and this is our only real chance” belly ached a whinger.

Ausfailure is currently losing the FIFA World Cup in South Africa whilst being the laughing stock of the sports world generally.

Aussie Whingers Told To Shut TF Up, Again

Whinge, whinge, bleat, bleat, woe is me.

Ausfailure is embarrassing itself on the world stage and showing the world what a bunch of whingers they really are deep down where it counts, as rugby league fans knew all along.

[Source and Full Story]

DESPITE sharing the frustration of the players after watching the Socceroos reduced to 10 men in each of their World Cup games, Football Federation Australia chairman Frank Lowy does not want Australia to be seen as a nation of whingers.

Mindful that he’s heading into the home straight of the 2022 World Cup bid, Lowy admits perceptions are crucial and the behaviour of the national team is a decisive factor. While the players, almost to a man, have complained about harsh justice in the wake of the red cards issued to Tim Cahill and Harry Kewell, Lowy has reminded them of their obligations.

”Of course I was very disappointed we were left to 10 men again, but this is the referee’s task and we never complain about that,” he said. ”We’ve got to accept those decisions, whingeing is not a trait we should follow. I don’t believe we are whingers, but it’s important we just get on with it. In the end, those are the cards you are dealt with.”

Others are less polite about Ausfailure’s belly aching.

[Source and Full Story]

FIRST, the comeback kid Harry Kewell accused a referee of killing his World Cup. Then, captain Lucas Neill claimed the ”big decisions are not going Australia’s way”. And, now, top goal-scorer Tim Cahill has turned up for training and informed the world that ”for us as a nation … we have never been given a fair go”.

Suddenly, Australia has become The Unlucky Country. At least, that seems to be the opinion of several of the Socceroos, after having two players, the aforementioned Cahill and Kewell, sent off in the first two matches. It is a view shared by many of the thousands of supporters who have travelled to South Africa, and by millions who are following them from home.

After Saturday’s match in Rustenburg, where 10-man Australia drew 1-1 with Ghana to keep alive their hopes of qualifying for the round of 16, fans were seriously discussing a possible ”Italian conspiracy”. It involved ”killer referee” Roberto Rosetti and Fabio Grosso, whose last-minute dive helped knock the Socceroos out of the World Cup four years ago.

In fact, while there may not have been any intent involved in the offences of either Cahill (late tackle) or Kewell (hand ball), the officials reacted promptly, appropriately and in accordance with the rules. But, ultimately, that may not be the point.

More important, is how players, coaches and supporters handle what Shakespeare – William, the playwright, not Craig, the West Bromwich Albion play-maker – might have called the slings and arrows of outrageous refereeing decisions.

Whingeing is not a good sound, worse even than buzzing vuvuzelas. Whingeing, especially accompanied by tears not of contrition or regret but self-pity, is not a good look for players representing a nation spending $50 million to secure the 2022 World Cup, to persuade more than 200 countries to ”come play”.

One can sympathise with Kewell, whose long-awaited comeback was curtailed after only 24 minutes by a mishap in which he had, quite literally, put his body on the line. As he said, he could hardly be expected to chop his arm off.

Less forgivable was Cahill, whose tackle was ill-advised and ill-timed. It may not have been intended. It was reckless and unruly. Nor was it an isolated incident. Even fans with selective memories must recall his scything tackle in the Socceroos’ farewell match against New Zealand.

He escaped a sending-off then. He was lucky. He was given more than a fair go.

Perhaps part of the problem is, according to a character in D.H. Lawrence’s book Kangaroo, that ”Australians play their sport as if their lives depend on it” – spirited, physical, fair-minded, averse to cheating, conning, diving, dissembling.

But as leading sports historian Dr Richard Cashman explained several years ago, originally in the context of cricket, Australian ”fair play” has increasingly been replaced by hard play, perhaps under the pressures created by ever-increasing financial rewards. Sadly, the two styles of play are not always compatible.

Australians who play hard should accept the consequences. And however they play they must accept that refereeing mistakes, rare at this World Cup so far, will be made.

Meanwhile, the Lucky Country should, as Harry eventually suggested, ”take it on the chin”.

They’ve Been Doing It All Day Ref!

1/. Stop Cheating 2/. Stop Whinging 3/. Play Football

It’s official, world champion whingers Ausfailure are also world champion cheats. FIFA has tried to dull the droning whining of the Aussie losers as they whinge and bleat and belly ache about the refs doing their jobs.

[Source and Full Story]

ON THE eve of one of the most important matches in their history, the Socceroos have been awarded international football’s unofficial ”unfair play” award.

Under the headline ”Australia’s red mist”, FIFA officials yesterday pointed out the ”unwelcome” fact that in the last four World Cup matches played by the Socceroos, no fewer than six players have been sent off.

Two Australians have been sent off in the present campaign: Tim Cahill for foul play in the 0-4 defeat by Germany, and Harry Kewell, more controversially, for hand ball in the 1-1 draw with Ghana.

At the 2006 World Cup in Germany, Brett Emerton was sent off after receiving two yellow cards in the 2-2 draw with Croatia, who had two players, Dario Simic and Josip Simunic, red carded.

And Italy’s Marco Materazzi was given his marching orders in the ”round of 16” match, which Australia lost by an equally contentious last-minute penalty conceded by Lucas Neill.

Coincidence? Bad luck? Bad refereeing? Or a reflection of how the Socceroos – and the teams they encounter – play the game?

“We’ve never been given the fair go” bleat Sockerlose

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

While the world sits up and watches as the All Whites from New Zealand, a small sparsely populated group of islands somewhere in the pacific and current rugby league world champions, upstage their big mouthed and small dicked not so neighborly neighbors from the west Ausfailure at the FIFA World Cup Ausfailure is hitting back – with a whingefest. Exposed as useless in their opening match against an inexperienced bunch of German kids the Sockerlose with high risk player Tim Cahill living up to coach Pim Werekrap’s prediction by being red carded, were quickly jettisoned by sports fans all across the loser continent.

Aussie football fans clambered aboard the Kiwi band wagon once again as they did after their boat snapped in half and sank in San Diego.

The Sockerlose match against Ghana was always going to be tough given Aussie being so crap and all, and when famed hot head Harry Kewell was red carded early in the match the whinge machine went into overdrive.

Meanwhile the 2000/1 long shot no hoper team from New Zealand just turned up and played the fuggen game and all around the world serious sports fans are sitting up and asking “Who TF are these champion blokes?”

This seems to be adding insult to injury to the long suffering losers from the green and yellow land.

“I was gutted New Zealand didn’t get hammered 4 nil like our shower of sh!t blokes” said Sue Errgrapes, a cross dresser from Bummee NSW.

“It’s bad enough to play sh!thouse and lose and whinge and bleat, but to see New Zealand play so well just goes down like a cup of cold sick” she/he whined.

“It’s just not fair” said Anne Other, from Pullaroot Tasmania.

Meanwhile the fans are being joined in the sobfest by red carded Sockerloser Tim Cahill himself making for quite a cosy little sookfest.

http://www.theage.com.au/world-cup-2010/world-cup-news/referees-not-g…

“I don’t know what position we’ve ever been in where the odds have been with us,” he said.

“I think for us, as a nation we’ve never been given the fair go”

Cahill was in tears following his dismissal against Germany, and today called it the hardest night of his life. The Everton midfielder says he is filled with sympathy for Kewell, whose international career may have ended in Rustenberg.

The Sockerlose are up for their next hiding when they play Serbia on June 24. New Zealand beat Serbia prior to the cup tournament starting adding further pressure to Ausfailure’s already over stressed, tearful and knicker wetting loser team.

NZ Beat World Champs, Again

NZ's Trophy

More humiliation for former world champs at everything Ausfailure as their idols New Zealand, a small sparsely populated group of islands somewhere in the pacific beat world champion football stars Italy at the FIFA World Cup. New Zealand are 78th ranked dreamers in the world of football and were expected to totally embarrass their part of the world in South Africa.

However they have been well and truly upstaged in that department by professional losers at everything Ausfailure.

Even the Sydney Morning Herald has abandoned the Sockerlose and has claimed the New Zealand team as dinky di Aussies, further rubbing in the rugby league world championship loss of 2009.

Ausfailure have been awarded tournament whinger first prize for the way they have handled the red carding of their players for cheating in an even money result for punters.

Ausfailure prime minister said compared to New Zealand’s Ford V8 performance the Aussie effort was in comparison, a Vespa causing one Aussie to spit the dummy and refuse to eat his veges until New Zealand apologised for Ausfailure’s crap efforts lately.

Ausfailure lost to Italy in a 1 all draw at the last world cup and have been whinging about it ever since.

Johns ‘you can’t be apologising all your life for being an arsehole.’

Johnsy Looks Into Racism In Sport

Racist druggie Andrew Johns was today searching for a sole supporter as his reputation as a top Aussie was under further attack from his countrymen. Johns looks set to be denied Immortal status for being a racist.

He has been dumped as coaching consultant by The Eels.

Sources close to Johns said he was logging in to asr-hell every 2 hours desperate for support from fellow racist Slippery Sam.

Sam has supported every lowlife rat in Ausfailure, but it appears that even Sam has given up on Johns.

Meanwhile Timana Tahu’s stepfather has labeled Andrew Johns a ”redneck” who should forever be kicked out of rugby league and revealed the toll that the State of Origin race slur has taken on Tahu’s mother, Linda.

http://www.smh.com.au/rugby-league/league-news/if-johns-is-a-redneck-…

Ken Jurotte, an Aboriginal affairs worker, ridiculed the former Newcastle halfback’s appearance this week as a guest coach of La Perouse United, a predominantly Aboriginal team, as a publicity stunt in a scathing attack on the legendary halfback.

”As Timana said, it’s not the first time he’s heard [racist comments] from Johns,” Jurotte told The Sun-Herald. ”Johns running off to train some Aboriginal kids in La Perouse – that’s just window dressing.

”If Johns is a redneck, he needs to get out of the game. People should be ashamed of him. How many mistakes does a bloke make? ‘I’m sorry for being a druggie, I’m sorry for this, I’m sorry for that’ – you can only be so sorry. Maybe I’m being too tough on the bloke but you can’t be apologising all your life for being an arsehole.”

Rednecks we spoke said they were deeply offended by being lumped in with cu^ts like Johns.

Moore Misery For Sockerlose

Laughing Stock

Ausfailure remain winless in the FIFA World Cup as they lose to Ghana in a 1 all draw. To add insult to humiliation they have lost star hot head Harry Kewell who was red carded and Craig Moore received a caution in a scrappy and ill disciplined performance by the Sockerlose.

Meanwhile Maggi have announced the release of a new green and yellow cube to commemorate the Ausfailure World Cup campaign. It will be called the Laughing Stock.

Losing Your Kewell

Another Red Card to add to the Kewellection

Ausfailure’s Sockerlose once more proved how hard it is for a team of ockers to play within the rules as they watched their second player in as many matches red carded in the FIFA World Cup. 24 minutes into the Ghana v Ausfailure match the ref noticed a serious breach of the rules and wasted no time in marching Harry Kewell from the pitch.

Ausfialure’s alleged saviour has already had a shower and can head to the bar as the Sockerlose walk off the pitch at half time.

At half time the match is 1 all to Ghana.

In other news New Zealand’s All Blacks had another huge win.

Wannabes 1 Match Winning Streak Ends

The Loserbies

Ausfailure’s forlorn sporting hopes were in tatters tonight as the ruggeroid team’s world cup preparations went down the gurgler. Already having to settle for having New Zealand, a small sparsely populated group of islands somewhere in the pacific, take possession of the rugby league world cup, Ausfailure now faces little chance on winning even the rugby world cup.

The Wannabes are on a 7 match losing streak against the New Zealand team, made up mainly on effeminate lingerie models and other random pansies.

Last weekend the Wannabes were sporting minor erections after a close win against the fat and bloated lard arses from England.

Some thought this might be the start of a turn around in form for the former penile colony.

“Pigs might fly as well” said a ruggeroid from Bummee NSW.

Tonight, in front of 50,000 Aussies the Wannabes were hammered by England who ran away with the match.

The final score was 21 – 20 to the rampant tubbies.

Sources from the Ausfailure camp were full of praise for the jumbo sized chubbos from Pomgolia.

“Their fitness was always a concern, but they don’t have a loser mentality and that is a huge advantage when playing us losers” said the source.

Ausfailure has lost the rugby world cup a record two times.

In South Africa the Sockerlose lead the loserboard with the biggest losing margin so far in the football world cup.

Socker Ausfailure welcomed the news saying being the biggest loser was about all Ausfailure could hope for in sports tournaments these days.

Smith Makes It Three In A Row

L to R: Smith, Inglis and Slater prepare for Origin

Origin of the Species star Melbourne Storm captain Cameron Smith has made it three in a row.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/sport/nrl/smiths-three-contracts/sto…

NRL salary cap investigators have discovered champion hooker Cameron Smith had THREE separate contracts with Melbourne Storm.

One was registered with the NRL, one was in a file at the Storm’s administration headquarters and another was being hidden at the home of former CEO Matt Hanson.

http://news.smh.com.au/breaking-news-sport/club-owners-put-storm-star…

News Ltd have warned there will be consequences for any player proven to have known their NRL contract breached salary cap rules.

Stopping short of saying players aware of irregularities in their contracts would be the first shown the door in any clean-out, News spokesman Greg Baxter said the company would take a dim view.

It had been assumed the Storm’s stable of superstars had no knowledge of the club’s massive salary cap rort, a position News is no longer prepared to take.

“We’ve said all along that we’ve not seen any evidence that players were involved,” Baxter told AAP on Friday.

“Based on certain things that (News’ auditor) Deloitte has reported to us, we’re no longer in a position to say that with the same degree of confidence.”

Storm’s rort of the cap saw their premierships and grand final wins stripped from the record books and replaced with asterisks.

Smith played in the ANZAC Test and current Origin series.

Rugby League websites are stocking up on asterisks in anticipation of yet more bad news for the doomed game.

Cocaine Yes, Bubble Gum No

No Bubble Gum

As police hand back embarrassing cellphone footage of rugby league stars doing illegal drugs offenders chewing gum in class are not given such leniency. Sh!t no.

Source …Read Full Story

Jailed for bursting gum STEVE BUTCHER June 18, 2010

A GUM-CHEWING 20-year-old from Dandenong was yesterday jailed by a magistrate for contempt of court for bursting bubble gum in court.

Mirza Zukanovic admitted his action in looking at magistrate Rod Crisp and blowing a bubble of gum until it popped was contempt.

After the blow-up in the Moorabbin Justice Centre, Mr Crisp directed that Zukanovic, who had just been granted an adjournment on unrelated charges, not leave the court.

He was permitted to meet his solicitor in an interview room, watched by court security, from which he later emerged to plead guilty.

In a plea of mitigation, Zukanovic’s lawyer told Mr Crisp her client had not meant disrespect and that his father had suffered a second heart attack that morning.

In his remarks, Mr Crisp said Zukanovic’s action was a ”calculated act” that showed disrespect to the court. He jailed him for a month.

Sex, Lies, Racism, Drugs, Violence, Rugby League Has Got It All

Rubgy League Players Get Ready To Party

While some argue rugby league is simply a showcase and feeder for up and coming AFL talent they forget that rugby league also provides some of the best xxx rated entertainment available. Graphic stories of group sex romps, consensual or otherwise, have titillated the public for most of the decayed.

Drugs, both recreational and performance enhancing, have also played their part in ensuring the public never reads any good news about the sport.

Racist taunts have made the headlines repeatedly since dream-time began.

As Melbourne Storms multi-contracted players have shown, lies and more lies are at the heart of the games success.

And last night ensured that any attempts to present rugby league as game that can be watched for pure sporting pleasure were well and truly canceled out by the out and out thug quality of the 26 players on the park.

Mike Berk, a rugby league observer for over 150 years, calls the current game ‘pornography with boots on’.

“It’s what it is” says the spritely Berk.

“The thing about pornography is no one is enriched by it, all parties are losers – so it is with rugby league these days” Berk says.

Former porn star Linda Lovelace refused to comment as her mouth was full.

Former rugby league fan Oswald P Wrong said there was a lot of merit in Berk’s argument.

“As a fan I felt exploited by the fact that the game had become a platform for sex, drugs and violence. I expected racism because it’s such an integral part of white culture that you can never escape it’ Wrong said.

“As a teenager I didn’t really give a rat’s arse if I got my porn via stick books or the telly, but as one grows up you tend to become more discerning, and frankly, a little bored by it all” said the former fan.

Queensland fan Foursome Bro said Wrong was wrong.

“Rugby league isn’t pornography at all, and I should know” said the self confessed deviant.

“Berk and Wrong are typical white fruitcakes who focus on the narrow issue of the game itself, but rugby league players have sex organs, and we want to see how they use them, they also have noses, we want to know what they snort up them, and rugby league players have racial views and we want to see them exposed as well” Bro said.

“If you want to see pornography I can share some of my favorite websites with you, at present I’m really enjoying ceaserian porn images – great stuff” Bro frothed.

Bro said anyone who claimed rugby league was violent had obviously never had an argument on usenet with him.

Ausfailure’s prime minister said it was unfortunate that rugby league had attracted such a lot of bad press recently and suggested the answer would be for a media company to run the game.

AFL Sheds Light On Rugby League Race Policy

Uruguay Rugby - 1972 cannibals

AFL Legend Mel Brown has shed some light on why the NSWRL appears to have be less racist than jail-cell suicide capital of the world Queensland. Poor lighting is to blame says Brown. Observers were sceptical about QR-Hell mascot Anthony Mundine’s claims that ‘boys’ got a fair go in Queensland given the racist foundation of Ausfailure and agree that better lighting at rugby league venues could indeed explain the apparent back flip over race hatred when it comes to sport in the banana bender state.

[Source … and to read full story]

Cannibal slur leaves bad taste at AFL lunch June 17, 2010

AS A racism furore engulfs rugby league, Australian rules has again shown it is not rid of such prejudices either.

At an AFL function in Melbourne yesterday, the West Australian football legend Mal Brown referred to indigenous players – including one of the AFL’s most famous, Nicky Winmar – as ”cannibals”.

Referring to poor ground lighting at some matches, he said: ”It actually disadvantaged us. We couldn’t pick any of the cannibals. Nicky Winmar, Michael Mitchell. We didn’t even get any white shirts to put on them.”

Brown’s comments prompted some laughter in the room. But the MC, the former Melbourne star Garry Lyon, was embarrassed. ”You’ve just put us on the back page of every paper tomorrow,” he said.

When contacted after the lunch, Lyon said: ”You can’t control everyone. Everyone needs to take responsibility for things they do and say in this world these days, and Mal’s big enough and old enough to understand that.”

On the way out of the function, Brown pointed at newspaper reporters and said: ”Don’t you go writing what I said about those Abos.”

The former Essendon player Simon Madden, the past players’ representative on the AFL Players’ Association’s executive, said Brown’s comments were ”uneducated”.

Brown did not respond to calls last night.

Sockerlose Orphanage Visit Brings Cheer

Jamal Umboto, 3rd from left.

As part of their daily public relations training the Sockerlose visited an orphanage in South Africa this morning. “It’s so good to put a smile on the faces of people constantly struggling and facing the impossible” said Jamal Umboto, aged 6 In other news lowly ranked pretenders Ghana are looking forward to facing Ausfailure on the world stage.

[Source, and to read full story]

GHANA’S players appear to believe they will have a relatively simple task of knocking over ‘weak’ Australia and are vowing to dominate the Socceroos this weekend.

Ghana are full of confidence after picking up the three points in their opening group game and the plan appears to be go for the throat in game two.

“Australia must know we are going to attack and attack them,” midfielder Ibrahim Ayew told News Ltd.

“We are not there to just defend, we are going to go all out. We will dominate them.

“We know they have some weak sides and we will take advantage. We are young and we are really going to use our pace.”

It seems for Ayew, there is no question of failure in the looming clash against Pim Verbeek’s men.

When we win against them we will be in the next round,” he added.

Confidence Slides As World Cup Losses Approach

What Me Worry?

The cocky swagger of the Ocker meathead has vanished as Ausfailure face certain humiliation at this years Football World Cup official figures show. The Sockerlose begin to lose on June 11th.

http://www.smh.com.au/business/consumer-confidence-extends-retreat-20…

The Westpac Melbourne Institute consumer sentiment index dropped by 5.7 per cent in June, a third consecutive monthly fall, as Ausfailure took a more pessimistic view of the dump. Combined with May’s 7 per cent fall, June’s slide notched the biggest two-month drop since March 2008.

“Ausfailure sucks and the smart people are getting out of the dump” said a refugee.

Sports officials had hoped for an improvement in the nation’s morale following the T20 World Cup Final but plans for a feel good result from that were wrecked by the sh!thouse result of the losing Aussie players as they crapped out badly to England who had never won a limited overs final despite trying since 0000AD.

Ausfailure is expected to be the laughing stock of the Football World Cup, again.

Even rugby league fans are not exempt from bad news as the interstate rep season approaches.

Experts say that the only certainty is that an Ausfailure side will lose the series again.

Queensland are unbackable favorites using players secured outside the salary cap regulations by out of state allies Melbourne Storm.

UN to investigate Aus Cultural Cheating

UN On Ausfailure's Tail

It had to happen. The United Nations will investigate Ausfailure’s culture of cheating.

http://www.smh.com.au/environment/australia-accused-of-fudging-emissi…

Ausfailure is said to chasing John Ribot to defend the allegations.

Ribot was unavailable for comment having gone fishing with Greg ‘Biffer’ Inglis on the boat Inglis received as part of the salary cap rort undertaken by Melbourne Storm to cheat with.

‘What boat?” said Inglis.

Storm Players Too Busy Cheating For Queensland To Front Up

You have to laugh at all those Broncoes fans who have been falling over the place supporting the Melbourne Storm cheats with many saying the players are completely innocent? Of course we can only speculate why Broncoes fans are shoving their tongues down the trousers of News Ltd’s other team, but until we have cellphone footage to hide I suppose we can ignore the truth.

Still, commiserations to any of those who thought the Origin of the Species games actually counted for anything less than a parade of cheats welcoming fans into a multi million dollar glory hole and saying ‘Any of you fans stupid enough to suck on this?

http://www.foxsports.com.au/story/0,8659,27231403-5018866,00.html

Senior Melbourne Storm players snub salary cap investigators

Melbourne Storm’s senior players have snubbed meetings with salary cap breach investigators.The news came as NRL investigators found Cam Smith had three contracts.

It is alleged one was registered with the NRL, one was in a file at the Storm’s administration headquarters and a third was being hidden at the home of former Storm chief Matt Hanson.

The contracts, which were drawn up by disgraced former boss Brian Waldron, also included payments for a home renovation and a guaranteed Tv commentary role. It is claimed Super League architect John Ribot negotiated the TV deal.

Despite the allegations, Smith has denied he was aware of any rorting.

It is also claimed other instances of Storm stars having more than one contract have been uncovered.

It can be revealed 10 Storm stars were due to front accounting firm Deloitte in the past fortnight, but none had appeared.

A Day In The Life

A Day In The Life

I read the news today oh boy,
Another sports collapse from an Ocker
And though the news was always bad
Well we all had to joke
About our latest choke
She blew her out of the French Open
Not the result that we were hopin’
The crowds of people stood and cheered
They’d seen this farce before
We once the favorites but now were lucky to come fourth.

I’d love to turn it up.

I saw a game today oh dear
Ausfailure won but it was ‘Root The Queer’
We won first prize at being gay
But no one gave a sh!t
We’re just not up to it
We’d love to turn the page.

Woke up, got out of bed
Put my panties on my head
Found my way outside and went to queue
At the dole office on Walleroo
Got some cash and had a bet
Lost the lot in seconds flat
Saw on the news we’d lost again
And somebody trolled and I went into a spin

I read the news today oh sh1t
Were crap it’s true and more than just a bit
The people of the world all laugh
And teams from all over can kick our arse
The cricket, league and tennis too
We’re not much more than slippery dingo pooh
We haven’t fuggall for years
Except first prize at crying in our beers

I’d love to turn off Aus.