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When Rugby League role model and celebrated national hero Andrew Johns boasted about taking banned drugs for a decade without punishment a year ago he obviously he sent a message to other athletes from Ausfailure not quite good enough to compete without cheating. That message was ‘take any drugs you like, you’ll probably get away Continue reading Ausfailure Drug Cheat Numbers Swell For Olympic Glory Sports fans from Ausfailure were gutted today when yet another attempt to send a player to the Olympics by rorting the rules was trounced by The Court of Arbitration for Sport. This follows hot on the heals of FIFA laughing off an attempt by Football Ausfailure to play a banned player during the Bejing games. Continue reading Aussie Loses First Olympic Medal Before Games Even Start Pineapple House Rugby League fans from Ausfailure yesterday mourned the achievement of New Zealander Reuben Wiki in becoming the first New Zealander to play 300 first grade games in the NR-Hell. Kiwis have always struggled to make 300 games because of the way they are shafted by the corrupt jokediciary which uses a Continue reading Wiki Beats The Odds International Soccer ringmasters Fifa have laughed off the tuggery of the Football Federation of Ausfailure after they tried to impose an on again off again ban on one of their thugs for smacking over a ref. Originally suspended from competing at the August 8-24 Games after being handed a 15-month suspension for striking referee Mark Continue reading FIFA says F-OFF FFS to FFA Inglis not happy at being described as a primate SoO banana bender Greg Inglis today reacted angrily to suggestions he and other Aussies resemble monkeys, despite his mid air acrobatics in the warm up to last weeks second half of the ANZAC test which NZ won 12 – 6 against Ausfailure. A handler Continue reading Inglis Reacts Angrily To Monkey Jibe New Zealand Rugby League bosses have sought the advice of their counterparts from Ausfailure as the World Champion Rugby League team came to terms with the embarrassing loss to easybeats the Kangalose in an exhibition match played to promote the game in Wellington on the weekend. Formerly known as the ANZAC Test the friendly match Continue reading Ausfailure Offers Advice On Losing For Kiwis Oswald P Wrong – World Champion Tipster Oswald P Wrong has been declared the champion tipster following his complete and utter annihilation of his opponents in the 2007 season NR-Hell competition. To mark this achievement The Oswald P Wrong Official Fan Club released this special commemorative T-shirt for losers to wear. T Shirts Continue reading OSWALD P WRONG SECURES WORLD CHAMPION TIPPING STATUS
Ausfailure Adopts New Flag Ausfailure today announced that it was adopting a new flag in recognition of it’s sporting woes over the last 2 years. The flag fittingly replaces all the stars with asterisks on the current flag. Humilitated by New Zealand in 2005 in the Tri Nations final where Willy Continue reading Ausfailure Adopts New Flag Following Second Tri Nations Humiliation Bring Back The Boof-Head (from unconscienceness) Ausfailure began their attempt to win back the Tri Nations Trophy from current champions New Zealand with a predictable effort on Saturday night at Mt Smart in Auckland, New Zealand. As always Ausfailure insisted on an Aussie ref to assist them and as per usual they have Continue reading Ausfailure Tri Nations Series Starts With Disaster New Zealand’s Black Sticks shocked Australia with a scoreless draw in their second match of the women’s World Champions Trophy hockey tournament in Amsterdam this morning. The young New Zealanders kept the world’s third-ranked side goalless and came close to upsetting them again after their shock win in last year’s Oceania tournament. The puckeroos suffered Continue reading Aussie Puckerood By Kiwis At World Champs A World Cup-style competition to find the best beer has named an Australian made sparkling ale as the winner. The competition, run by the UK publication Off Licence News, pitted beers from 32 countries that contested soccer’s World Cup against each other. The drinks were placed in one of eight groups of four, to correspond Continue reading New Zealand Beer Pipped, For Once The New Zealand junior girls’ table tennis team won the Oceania title to qualify for the world championships in Egypt in December. They beat Ausfailure 3-Nil in the Oceania final in Geelong. World Finals officials were jubilant that a team from New Zealand would represent Oceania in December saying ‘At least now we can be Continue reading Oceania Now A Chance in World Title Following the humiliating loss to Italy in the World Cup Ausfailure has announced the new national anthem, with music stolen from David Bowie’s Heroes song Zeros I, Italians sing While we, we are whinging With nothing on the scoreboard We can’t beat them, can’t beat no one at all We can score zero, every day Continue reading Ausfailure Announce New National Anthem Robots fight for the ball during a match of the four-legged league at the RoboCup 2006 in Bremen June 17, 2006. As one Australian football team was facing up to defeat in Germany overnight, another was celebrating after claiming a world championship. The University of Newcastle’s NUBots beat off strong competition from around the world Continue reading SHOCK: Aussie World Champs At Something True to the long standing traditions of whinging when you are too crap to win born again Soccer thugs from Ausfailure are queuing up to have a crack at any ref who doesn’t have sufficient affect on the game to hand them an easy win. The latest whinge has come about after Ausfailure once more Continue reading “We Wuz Robbed” Whingefest Continues As Ausfailure struggles to come to terms with the fact that they are pretty much crap at everything these days Aussies are leading the charge in blaming everyone but themselves for their crap performances. Even those who have buggered off from Loser Central to hide from the humiliating defeats still find their natural talent for Continue reading Ausfailure Whinge Again As the sad and sorry brokenhearted people of Ausfailure struggle to come to terms with their new found status as the World’s Easybeats at Sport another humiliation has fallen upon them. Yesterday they actually lost a game of cricket to New Zealand. Yes, New Zealand, a country that struggles to get 11 people to play Continue reading Ausfailure Humiliation Addiction Continues Beware of the slippery slope. Great Britain coach Brian Noble has stopped crying over the Tri Nations thrashing from New Zealand on Sunday and has set his sights on beating Ausfailure next weekend. After watching his side lose 42-26 to New Zealand at Loftus Road yesterday (AEDT) – putting the Kiwis on top Continue reading Aussie The Team To Beat New Zealand were today still miles ahead of the opposition in the Tri Nations series after their all the way win against Great Britain in the 3rd Tri Nations game in London. New Zealand won the match 42 to 26. The result has devastated Great Britain who now have the impossible task of having to Continue reading NEW ZEALAND CRUISE TO EASY WIN OVER GREAT BRITAIN In news just to hand Ausfailure has won something. Sports journalists the world over were rocked when Ausfailure’s International Rules team triumphed over Ireland. Ausfailure wrapped up the series on Friday with a 21-point win. “We desperately needed to win this match” said an ecstatic Ocker as he shed tears of pride over the long Continue reading World Shocked At Ocker Win |
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